In some alternate universe, this is a book about a bunch of stoner buddies going on a time travelling quest to save Saladin from future cannibal apes in the year 1300. This, sadly, is not that book.
Instead, it’s somewhere in the 14th century, England, and a small-time baron is gearing up to help his king fight the French in the Hundred Years’ war. Things take a turn for the weird when, just before setting out, a giant silver spaceship settles in the fields surrounding his village. The ship vomits out a bunch of squat, bat faced monstrosities armed with lazer cannons. Oh no! It’s an alien invasion. What ever shall the primitive English do?
It turns out what the English do is a whole lot of trebuchets to the face, as the aliens, used to dealing with high-tech opponents, are woefully under-prepared for dealing with men in full plate armed with stabby things. The Baron and his men seize the spaceship and, in a moment of (literal) drunken ambition, force one of their alien prisoners to pilot them to a strange new world, where the English begin a Crusade to deliver the Universe to Christendom. And God bless St. George, or something.
So, this book is pretty ridiculous, but it makes for a quick, amusing sorta read. It doesn’t take itself all that seriously, which is a good thing, as it helps one slip by the sometimes troubling implications of what the English are up to. Force a religion and a way of life upon a different people? When did THAT ever go wrong? Yah.
The best thing the book has going for it is it’s narrator: Brother Parvus, a retiring, rural priest who is unique amidst the English for understanding just how seriously they are out of their depth. His frequent hand-wringing and panic attacks make a nice contrast with the boastful arrogance of his fellow Englishmen. The other characters feel hastily drawn, if sufficient for the purposes they were made for: the conniving lover, the noble baron, his proud and troubled wife and so forth.
As far as Anglophile works of literature goes, I think this must take the cake. A bunch of smelly dudes with swords taking on an entire Alien empire? Sure. Hell, this book even takes the opportunity to deliver a few low blows to the Welsh, because of course a book adoring the English would have a snide opinion of the Welsh. Not bad, but many aspects of the book might have felt better in the Middle Ages. Me like books.
Me Like Books 